I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
