I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
