there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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