Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
