In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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