btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
