I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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