I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
