you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize