rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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