sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
