I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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