Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
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You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
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Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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