So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
