I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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