I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
