Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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