I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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