I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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