I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
where are my eyebrows?
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