May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
