she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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