i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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