Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
