All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
