I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
