after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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