I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
