When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
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