ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
