So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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