Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm at about main and main street
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
