The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
