I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
false alarm, still single
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
