He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
