its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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