Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
