so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
