Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
be right there i have to get my cape
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
