No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
i now understand why vodka
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
