Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
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Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
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I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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