your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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