I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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