i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
