There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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