I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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