my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
