Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
