LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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