i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
