you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
