We named our party play list daddy issues
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I am one with the molecules
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
