Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.