i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Randomize
