im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
