I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
