went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
